So, Sean and I were talking the other day, and he mentioned something about him getting pregnant.
"You said if you get pregnant?" I asked.
"Yeah. It's the new kind of pregnancy. A team of sperm goes in to where the egg and sperm meet--"
"Uh, the fallopian tubes?"
"No, the uterus."
Then we had a brief discussion of where the egg meets the sperm, and whether I'm a complete r-tard. The conclusion? I'm an r-tard.
Sean continued about the best sperm-related image ever, the Team of Sperm. "So the Team of Sperm takes the egg back and plants it in the dude's lower intestine."
"You know, that would kill you. These are some dumbass sperm."
"No, you just get a really big ass." He paused. "Actually, they--"
"The team of sperm."
"Yes, they rent out the space next door--"
"You mean the other ovary?"
"Yes, they rent out the other ovary, and then they dig a tunnel underneath and pop up in the ovary vault, then they steal an egg from there, go back into their ovary, and swim out through their fallopian tube." We recently saw The Bank Job, clearly.
A few minutes later, I came back. "You know, most dudes don't really--stay inside long enough for this to happen, for this complicated team of sperm to go in and get the egg and come back out." Sean laughed but didn't respond. "How does that work? How does the team get back in?"
He didn't answer, then a bit later he said, "Actually, the team of sperm pays a guy to drive their car out to distract the cops, then they drive out in a different vehicle."
"Yeah, but--"
"And then they hang out in a vacant warehouse--say, the uterus--" (creepy) "and swim back into whatever dude she fucks next."
"Sucks to be that guy. Carrying another man's child."
"Yeah, but it'd probably have just as good chances of survival. If the baby's in his lower intestine, he's probably going to think it's his and raise it as his own."
The moral of the story: we're fucking delightful.
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