CALIFORNIA, Jun. 19 2008--Associated Zombie Press:
In a move that gay-rights advocates are calling "groundbreaking," the Calfornia Supreme Court has overturned a state ban on same-sex marriages. Couples in San Francisco and statewide are celebrating as they make their unions official.
"This is really a wonderful turning point," said Ron Dreier, policy director of Gay Rights Now. "No longer will we be forced into exciting, carefree love lives, nor will we suffer the horrors of open relationships and sexual freedom. Now we can have what every straight married couple does: a government-sanctioned union rife with resentment and frustration."
The state ban was overturned for its unconstitutionality. The court ruled that sexual orientation, like race or sex, is not a valid basis for the refusal of constitutionally-granted freedoms.
ACLU attorney Catherine Redding agreed. "No American, regardless of preference, should be denied their rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of soul-strangling unhappiness.
"And loneliness. And boredom. We all have the right to boredom."
Not everyone in the gay community has reacted so positvely to the Supreme Court's decision. Some couples face ambivalence about subscribing to such a traditional practice.
"Marriage is a sexist, heterosexist institution that promotes capitalist values," argued women's studies professor Oona Steinberger. "I have been living with my lover for over 16 years. I don't need a piece of paper to prove what I already know: all spontaneity is gone from my life."
Conservative and family-values groups are heatedly protesting the ruling. Already they have placed a new marriage-protection referendum on the November ballot.
A congressman who spoke on the condition of anonymity summed up a popular anti-gay-marriage argument: "This is an abomination. Traditional, God-fearing American families have long viewed homosexuals' hedonistic lifestyles as both fascinating and repulsive. Now that we know they're having stale married sex like the rest of us, where does that leave the good people of America? What about the honest working man's unhealthy interest in anal sex, or his voyeuristic preoccupation with lesbians? Who is he to project his sexual perversions on now?"
He added, "And what, am I supposed to buy a ring for all my lithe cabana boys and impressionable yet studly interns? Fuck that."
In spite of the contested nature of the ruling, gay couples across the state and the nation are rejoicing. In San Francisco, hundreds are showing their support with parties and colorful signs. Banners around the city show such slogans as, "Just married, newly celibate," "Love makes a family. Marriage makes a self-destructive family," and "I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm settling!"
While the California debate is far from over, many same-sex marriage advocates are now setting their sights on Nevada. According to Dreier, "If we are to have the same rights as heterosexuals, then we too must be allowed the life-altering mistakes that can only be made with a quickie marriage in Vegas."
click on Hall and Oates to go back to BRAINS
(I'm not saying they're gay. It's just that
I'm listening to "Maneater" right now and
they rule too hard to NOT show up here.)
