 Drugs: Or, Reason #386 Why Kim Wasn't Cool in High School
You have a good time partying, and I'll have a good time judging you. It's a win-win. (1-7-10)
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 Disneyland: An Exclusive for Androo's Random Life.com
My good friend and coworker, Andrew, has a really funny website about his life (including some hysterical stories about Boy Scout Camp). He asked me to do an exclusive, and since pretending to be Internet-famous is one of my hobbies, I did. It's in the Stories section, but check out some of his writing. |
 Diary of a Wimpy Kim
This is a true, and pathetic, chronicle of events taking place over the last several months. It's going to destroy my hard-earned street cred, so you damn well better enjoy reading it. (7-28-09)
(And you should also try Jeff Kinney's hilarious Wimpy Kid book series.)
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 Turn that Frown Upside-Down! :)
Need a pick-me-up for those rainy-day-cliché blues? These tips will pick you up. They will pick you the hell up and throw you across the damn room, they're so good. (4-29-09) |
 Help Me Help You Shut the Hell Up
Any description I could write here would only cheapen the mystery of that picture of John McCain there. Give in to your desires and click on his face.
(4-24-09)
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 Let Me Hear Your Body Talk
This article on body image and realism was inspired by a country song. And the title was inspired by an '80s song by Olivia Newton-John. So, I think that means I'm not allowed near the radio anymore. (3-19-09)
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 A Very Zombiekim.com Christmas
Christmas is almost here, and yet for many of us, getting into the spirit has been a challenge this year. Are you still hoping that Santa will bring you a non-sucky holiday? Well, I don't care if you've been naughty or nice: I'm going to save your Christmas. (12-20-08)
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 Death, '80s Movies Style
Do you ever wonder what you will be and where you will go after you die? Wonder no more! Let 1980s comedies, and their prophet, Zombie Kim, show you the light. (10-26-08)
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 If Jesus Made Pasta
This is a 100% Seanotron production, from
June '08. Sean got the idea for this dinner-adventures blog only after the photoshoot. (8-27-08)
And that is a lie. A filthy, whorish, adorable (except when in a bicycle helmet) lie! This story is 100%, no, 293746389746% fact! That's right, more factual than normal facts!
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 Zombiekim's CosmoSUCKStravaganza
Yeah, I have a bone to pick with Cosmopolitan magazine. But you'll be so glad that I do. (8-13-08)
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 Sometimes It Sucks to be a Chick
Collected short rants. I promise, there are no jokes about how women like chocolates and shopping, and how men like remote controls and not asking for directions. Darn you, Everybody Loves Raymond! (8-05-08) |
 My Helmet and Me
One woman's epic struggle to look cool. It's not so much epic, I guess, as it is anecdotal. And it's not to look cool, just--less un-cool. But it is definitely a struggle. (7-24-08) |
 California Gay Marriage Legalized
Tasty in an Onion-y way. (6-19-08) |
 Zombiekim's Advice
You sent me your problems, and here I make you regret it! Somehow all of these had to do with sex. And mostly in a really, really creepy way. Huh. Anyway, send me your problems for the next batch of advice! (6-08) |
 Boy Meets Girl Meets Suck
You'll wish terminal illnesses on young lovers. But you'll still be a better person than whoever originally wrote this. (5-14-08) |
 Sex Advice
I will explain why you should never, ever take advice from anyone who labels themselves a "sexpert" or suggests you use dice in the bedroom (unless Risk turns you on like it does for me). (5-8-08) |
 ExposedMattresses.com
A Sean+Kim brainchild. You know how sometimes your fitted sheet will pop up while you're asleep, and then you awake on your mattress, and it's awful? Sean and I call that "exposed mattress."
(4-27-08) |
 My Fake Boyfriend
Do I have a deal for you! For just $14.95, you too can have a fleeting self-esteem boost, a good cry, and the appearance of personality depth. (4-24-08) |
 Team of Sperm
Seanotron 5000 explains his theory of the new male pregnancy.
And yeah, that's a picture of a sperm cell holding a walkie-talkie. |
 His Last Goodbye
When fourteen-year-old girls try to write moving medical dramas of courage and undying love, the result is indeed a tragedy. |
Ladies, Read This
A helpful guide to the male psyche, written (and titled) by who I can only imagine to be a self-hating hermaphrodite posing as a teenage boy.
That is why the Internet rules.
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 Fanfiction of the Damned
Less about jokes and more about horror, this will show you some of the joys of illogical and nasty fanfic |
 Ever-Lovin' Lovey Love
A very brief journey into the heart of why Kim loves zombies more than teddy bears. |
 Short Shorts
Who writes short shorts? Zombiekim writes short shorts. Um, actually, these are old mini-rants. Little but lovable. |
 Getting to Know Me
A "best-of" mix of answers from Zombiekim's old surveys. Learn new things about me! Like that I have a pathological inability to answer stupid questions without my tongue in cheek.
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