WASHINGTON, August 27, 2010–Associated Zombie Press: A statement released today by the American Center for Internet Research warns that the web may run out of memes in as little as six years.

Researchers blame the depletion of such cultural phenomena or “memes” on such diverse causes as: popular link-sharing vehicles like reddit and twitter, the shortened attention span of users, an increasingly accessible “blogosphere,” and hipsters.

“The times when extended family and coworkers would all send you email forwards of the same ‘funny video’ or gif over a span of several weeks, or when two million hits ensured months of user interest, are behind us,” stated ACIR Head of Meme Research, Dr. Terrance Grimm. “Simply put, we’re using too many memes, too fast, to be sustainable.”

Other researchers agreed. Said UCLA’s Dr. Melinda Bates, professor of digital antiquities, “Once a video, comic, spoof, or other article reaches a certain apex of popularity on the Internet, it enters a devastating cycle of reposting and rewatching. At a lightning speed—far faster than we as a group consumed memes ten or even five years ago—it’s completely used up. Memes on the whole are already entering what is known in the industry as a ‘burnout.’”

“Also,” she added, “it gets really fucking annoying.”

The White House has been quick to act to preserve the nation’s legacy and supply of memes. In conjunction with ACIR and the New York-based marketing firm that itself created the infamous Old Spice campaign “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like,” the U.S. Major Web 2.0 Task Force is rolling out a series of public awareness measures.

PSAs have begun airing in frequent rotation on cable channels most popular with the 18-34-year-old demographic. Spots include the “Numa Numa Kid” smashing a kitchen with a frying pan while dancing to Romanian techno music, before declaring “This is your brain without memes.” In another commercial, the “dramatic chipmunk” whips around with a tear in its eye to face a landfill full of garbage, reminiscent of the 1971 “Keep America Beautiful” campaign. A third ad extols the viewer to use “viral” videos more judiciously, giving statistics of how quickly they are exhausted, before cutting midway through to the music video for Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.”

Several promotional items have also been created to give out at events that are trafficked by “heavy users” of memes, including Comic-Con, E3 Expo, and Anime Expo. Such items include buttons that read, “Every time you digg it, the whole gets deeper” and “All your base are belong to us, because you wasted them,” and bumper stickers with pictures of kittens beside the caption, “I Can Haz Moar Memes Plz?”

Preliminary economic data, while inconclusive, supports the charge that a collapse of the meme ecosystem would be disastrous to certain sectors. The ironic tee shirt industry alone could “crash overnight,” cautioned Dr. Grimm. However, not everyone is convinced that tax dollars should be spent on restoration efforts.

“What?” said your grandparent, when contacted for a statement. “What’s a meme? Damn government. Come here, look at these dancing hamsters. They’re so cute!”

The success of the national awareness campaign has been dubious. Popular YouTube videos have so far shown no appreciable dip in number or frequency of hits, and a recent Pew Poll suggested that up to 51% of Americans “don’t believe” in meme devastation, while 19% “don’t care” about the potential consequences.

Area coffee house employee Trent Probst, 22, had this to say: “Oh, my God, double rainbow!”